the same old silly me
Monday, April 2nd, 2007hi semua,,
sbenernya dari tadi gw niat bgt mo nulis blog, tapi tiba2 jadi ilang moodnya pas di depan kompie.
ni skrg lg baca blog temen2,, glad to know them in their own point of view,, don’t judge them with your own value! lg baca blognya si edit.. weh ternyata besok dia ultah bow,, kadoin kecoak aaaah,, *ayo anak2 perkusi kita nyari kecoak yg banyak terus dibungkus kado yg rapi trus dipitain* hihihi… is that your wish, dit? ;P
hmm.. mo nulis apa yah enaknya? how to start?
i wonder why,, ada bbrp orang dari fakultas tetangga sebelah yg pada ngirim message ke gw,, hmm.. geer aja kali ya gue? jd menghubung2kannya pd bbrp hal,, pd someone lebih tepatnya. someone from the past. you know what lah,, your know who you are (buat yg ga tau yawdah ga usah dipikirin,, ga penting koq)
that someone is coming back to my memory. i might have recalled his image from the unconsciousness. maaf ya pak,, ga maksud ngeganggu hidupmu,, i might have been bothering you for years,, i might have been crazy for decade,, sorry i just can’t resist. i wished i could block my insanity. somehow sometime i wish we could meet and talk. but talk about what? what is so important about? nothing… it’s just my insanity. kalo katanya n’sync "i drive myself crazy thinking of you…" but i guess somehow you deserve to know (or i deserve to let go?)
gw ngerasa hidup gw jadi aneh belakangan ini. pikiran gw sih yg aneh. i keep thinking about my past. about people i knew. about situation i experienced. about things i thought was unfinished. i wonder why… maybe i’m just bored with my recent life. about my routinity. i want some refreshment but i can’t figure out what.
so what is it all about?
i thought i wanted to relate. but why did i reject them? why did i avoid ppl? i thought i should give a try… but… but….. but…….. maybe i kept thinking that nothing feels more beutiful than what i experienced. i made my own world and trapped alone there, maybe…
maybe i don’t want to give a try because i don’t want to ruin the ideal figure. kalo kata rere (temen kos gw) "mungkin karena dia yg paling ninggalin kesan positif buatmu". kesan positif? yah.. maybe…. but somehow i don’t want to ruin that. because he is what i think he is. at least it stays the same til the last time we talked. he stays the same… he’s still the ideal figure….. but somehow there’s no way for us. i don’t even want to ruin his life of my unfinished feeling. somehow i want to place him inside. inside and noone may touch. NO ONE,,, don’t even try to seek. i’ve burried this feeling under my feet.
okay,, i’m still the same old silly me… sorry but right now i just can’t help it.
